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August 2004
The Blog Archive:
Grain Of Truth Publications presents:
Diary of an Ale-Fan
Philosophy from the bar, on life, the universe and everything. Ale-fuelled words of wisdom and benign bigotry - fun for all the family !
Defying convention, I produce my blog in ascending order. That’s the kind of crazy guy I am !
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August 2004
Monday, 2nd August 2004
Happy Birthday Blog
It is blog's birthday. Collect £10 from each player.
I know I've neglected the blog world of late. Must try harder !
Tuesday, 3rd August 2004
Beer Tomorrow, Gone Today
Why is it that nobody ever wants to work at the same speed as you want them to ?
The sorting of the lease for my shop was 3 weeks late in happening.
Bugger !
My store-room is still in the process of being built - should have been finished last weekend.
Bugger, bugger !
Now it looks as though it might be September before I can go back to court to get my provisional licence confirmed.
Bugger, bugger, bugger !
"Life's a bitch and then you die !"
I've not been idle, I might add, while I've been waiting:
I've been talking to suppliers, pouring over lists of beer from importers.
Sorting insurance, a credit card merchant account and trying to source all manner of other stuff.
I expect you're crapping yourself with excitement just reading this !
I've put a sign in the window of the shop:
Opening soon
The pissheads are going to be disappointed, there'll be no cans of Tennents lager, in fact there'll be no cans at all.
It's also amazing how many loonies there are roaming the streets of Bury St Edmunds. And why do they all carry two-coloured vinyl shopping bags (you know the sort - semi rigid with a zip top) ?
And why do they were strange, ill-fitting trousers ?
Care in the community hey !
Had mushroom foo yung for dinner tonight. This would cause most people to be egg-bound. Me being a perverse sod will probably be shitting through the eye of a needle tomorrow.
Just seen a bloke on FTN talking about shagging a water melon.
Wednesday, 4th August 2004
The Fool On The Hill
There are two schools of thought with regard to the adventure that I have embarked upon. No actually make it three.
- There are those that think it's a very good idea and thing it will be a great success
- There are those that think I'm a complete madman and that I'm doomed to failure in anything from 3 to 6 months to a year.
- Then there are those that really don't understand the concept but are enthusiastic because they feel that sensible old Ale Fan must know what he's doing. I don't have a reputation for being reckless.
My moods tend to swing between both 1 & 2.
With regard to 3 well it is a very reckless act but I don't care.
Cheers !
Sunday 8th August 2004
Wave Hello
The greatest thing since sliced bread, for the moment, is the Tim Booth album Bone.
If you only buy two albums this year make sure this is one of them !
Tim is the erstwhile front-man of rock-a-boogie-beat-combo James, a band that I never really got into, although I never
objected to hearing their stuff on the radio.
The songs are well written and imaginative, and packed with emotion. Fantastic !
Listening to this album is the most fun you can have with your clothes on !
Other recent acquisitions (in no particular order) include:
Morrissey - You Are The Quarry
Jim Moray - Sweet England
Various - More Great Moments of Vinyl History (Andy Kershaw Compilation)
Snow Patrol - Final Straw
The Bees - Free The Bees
plus several Trojan Boxed Sets (they're on special offer at MVC at the moment)
and The Smiths - The Complete Picture (DVD)
Not a bad one amongst them.
This afternoon I was arrested from my ironing (new man me) by a gentle tap at our front door. Upon opening the door, I
was greeted by two very attractive, well dressed, young ladies. They had come to talk to me about God or Jesus or The Great Mahonie or something.
They were earthly representatives of the Church of the Latter Day Saints, which I think is the Mormons. I wonder if they wear strange underwear.
Or is that just a male preserve ?
I shall probably never know.
I said I wasn't interested and politely said goodbye.
Unusual I thought, as God only normally seems to call the ugly.
Monday, 9th August 2004
Belushi St Edmunds
A strange site has been seen around Bury of late. An old Nissan Sunny, the square style, some 10 to 15 years old (or older), in white.
Strapped to the roof was a square Tannoy horn type loud speaker.
The doors were painted black, with NYPD in white, on those black doors.
Sitting in the two front seats were two spotty Herberts in dark suits, black ties, dark glasses and black trilby style hats.
Emanating from the loud speaker was music from the Blues Brothers film.
They drove around the streets of Bury, very slowly, arms leaning on open windows, desperately trying to look cool (as you young people say).
I have no idea what it was all about, but I salute them for doing it. British eccentricity is alive and well and in good hands with a younger generation.
Wednesday, 11th August 2004
To Whom It May Concern
I've recently received an e-mail from Milford Crabtree, or so I thought.
Milford Crabtree - great name.
Upon further investigation it is not from the mysterious Milford Crabtree but Alisha.
It reads:
I was right, I told ya so - heres the link. http://www.suncoastrewards.com/ref44.html
You're able to download dvd movies, console games, music. I was able to find at least 85 of my favorite CD's
You should see how many they have in there - its crazy.
They show you how to burn all the stuff you want to CD.
I saw a few areas of the movie section, and found titles in there still in theaters - it's nutty.
I'll call later.
I'm still waiting for Alisha, or even Milford, to call !
I FUCKING HATE SPAM !
Especially when they can't be bothered to write to me in English.
What is ya ?
A derivation of Jah perhaps ?
Milford is clearly a shy rastafarian.
85 obviously has some religious significance - probably the number of spliffs you have to smoke consecutively to reach Zion.
its crazy - What's crazy ?
theaters - it's nutty - Don't know what a theaters is, perhaps it's a chocolate bar, a bit like a Topic, much beloved of Rastas when they get post-ganja munchies.
Hope it's not squirrels shit !
And don't get me started on favorite
I did think about contacting Milford. But how ?
Should I e-mail him on:
milford@suncoastrewards.com
alisha@suncoastrewards.com
info@suncoastrewards.com
wankers@suncoastrewards.com
sales@suncoastrewards.com
spam@suncoastrewards.com
illiterates@suncoastrewards.com
favourite@suncoastrewards.com
theatre@suncoastrewards.com
alkaloid@suncoastrewards.com
That should get the spam robots excited.
Monday, 16th August 2004
Rape & Pillage
The Lady (an ex-social worker) has been a self-employed trainer for the past couple of years.
For her work she requires stationery. Riveting stuff eh !
This tends to be from a company called Viking.
Viking are okay, their prices are good, their deliveries are quick and they have a good range of products.
One problem is that once you're on their mailing list they bombard you with catalogues - this is a mixed blessing.
Clearly all junk mail is a pain in the arse, but we have started to look forward to receiving them, because of their rather weird special offers:
e.g. in the latest catalogue we have "buy 3 boxes of Viking White Business Envelopes... ...get a 2 Man Dome Tent Free".
Wonderful stuff.
What we really like the way that the special offer bears no relation to the product for sale.
Other gems include:
Free Badminton Set with Permanent Markers
Free Aeroplane Kite with Spray Adhesive
Free Recipe Book with a Comb Binder
and my favourite:
Free Suntan Lotion with Sellotape
plus there are many more.
Also for added fun, this geezer
appears everywhere in the catalogue. Self publicist or what ?
For my business I shall be buying my stationery from nowhere else but:
Maybe !
Tuesday, 17th August 2004
The World Turned Upside Down
Terry Wogan played a song (Nature Boy I think) by Nick Cave and The Bad Seeeds this morning.
Is this 2004 or 1649 ?
These are strange times we live in !
I should point out that I like Nick Cave. He's a jolly good egg and makes damned fine records.
He's even written/recorded one about Bury St Edmunds, Gates To The Garden.
How many songs about Bury St Edmunds do you know ?
Friday, 20th August 2004
Twas Brillig
Those wags at sales@softgoeshome.com or should it be info@softgoeshome.com
claim that:
"halls Poseidon methodists Zagreb Ottomanize
blanketed analytical Engel Doubleday severe existed
seepage attaining jovial Middleton Shari
mammals measurer shelve epidermis underlying dotes
wankers@softgoeshome.com,marketing@softgoeshome.com
Woodward commoners schemes Carolyn atypically stomacher
defaulter cafes hatch uplands slightly Rowena"
Yes, I didn't understand it either. Charles Dodgson now seems to have turned his hand to spamming.
I must say though, I do feel slightly Rowena myself today !
Monday, 23rd August 2004
That Was The Weekend That Was
In the lull before tomorrow, me and the Lady decided to grab a quick weekend away.
Sainsburys Magazine had a special deal for a chain of hotels so we booked in for a couple of nights in Banbury
(the only place available a short notice).
It was about 20 years since I'd been to Banbury. In my younger days we used to go there several times a year, to
visit my Great Aunt and Uncle. It has changed a lot.
We did the tourist thing, visiting lots of pretty Cotswold villages & towns. Making various odd purchases from fudge to a tagine (not sure if it was a traditional Cotswold one or not !)
Had a damned fine Thai meal on Saturday night at the Thai Orchid in Banbury.
This morning, before returning home we purchased the obligatory Banbury Cakes, then made our way to the Hook Norton Brewery to purchase our first lot of stock for our shop.
Deep joy !
Latest
Sunday, 29th August 2004
My Round
A magistrate and the clerk of the court visited my shop on Tuesday and confirmed my licence.
YIPEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE !
I am now ordering beer like it's going out of fashion.
Planning to open on 9th Sept.
Lots to do, must dash.
Other Blogs:
If you like my blog, please link me from your website or blog (if you have one). Or just tell your friends, if you have any. Thanks.
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